Dads be like. I have trauma. I will never talk about or acknowledge this. One day u will come across a picture of my childhood and realize that I have a entire flesh and blood brother still alive who I have never mentioned or acknowledged. Anyway why dont you tell me anything about ur fucking life.
My dad on this day 49 years ago, waking up after getting hit in the head with a croquet mallet to find out he was unconscious through the whole moon landing
i really cannot stop thinking about this picture its so so funny
A proboscis monkey makes a daring leap into the river below
How to get so sopping wet in one simple step
remember the four G’s
cat and mouse 🙀💔👁
Mara Heuer 2018
(Source: theseinfeldshow)
The San Francisco Call, California, December 10, 1910
#1 rule of comedy is never punch down. #2 rule is any named soup is funny. bisque, chowder, vichyssoise, gazpacho, gumbo etc. all funny
The Owl in The Attic and Other Perplexities, James Thurber, 1931
Roses are red, that much is true, but violets are purple, not fucking blue.
I have been waiting for this post all my life.
They are indeed purple,
But one thing you’ve missed:
The concept of “purple”
Didn’t always exist.Some cultures lack names
For a color, you see.
Hence good old Homer
And his “wine-dark sea.”A usage so quaint,
A phrasing so old,
For verses of romance
Is sheer fucking gold.So roses are red.
Violets once were called blue.
I’m hugely pedantic
But what else is new?
(Source: katelizabeth)
*attempts to log into bank account*
To continue answer security question: “Where and how will you die?”
types in “alone in a ditch wearing a clown costume”
*i view my account balance of $4.47*
(Source: pancakeke)